China People and Their Theory of Respecting the Elder

Summary

• For people of China, the oldest person in a family or an organization has the most respect, honor, and dignity.
• On the lady's side of the house, the first elder wife holds more willpower than the next wives and daughter in law.
• The young people will call an older person as "Ye Ye" (grandfather), and "Nai Nai" (grandmother), "Tai Tai" (aunt), and "Shu Shu" (uncle) as a sign of respect even if that person is not family by blood.
• A tradition that the people of China hold on to is taking care of your parents personally when they get older.
• In the business world, the junior members of an organization will not make a decision without the consent of the senior member.
• If you arrive into a meeting or banquet, you should always remember to greet the member with the highest seniority raking at that occasion first.
• Whatever you do, you should never interrupt the senior member's speech.
• The Chinese people do not like a person who talks or brags about himself.
• If you are an older lady or gentleman, you should not be offended when the people there offer to help you because in China it is a sign of respect and not pity towards the elders.

The old saying in China...

Happy Chinese New Year to everybody. And, welcome to the first sexiest post in 2009 on culture-4-travel.com.

Let's get started, shall we?

The Chinese believe that old age is the most wonderful time of your life. There is Confucius proverb that best describe this idea.

Traditionally, the oldest person in a family or an organization has the most respect, honor, and dignity. This person does not have to worry about anything when he gets old, because everything should be taking care by his children. Best of all, this individual still hold the most power in the house like the godfather.

When the grandfather says something, the majority of the time this will be the final decision. So, if he thinks it funny for you to run around the house twenty times, guess what, that’s the final decision.

What about the woman's side, you may ask? Well, the first elder wife's commands are more important the next wives and daughter in law or whoever carried the first son in the house.

The young people will call an old man or woman as "Ye Ye" (grandfather), and "Nai Nai" (grandmother), even if they not related to that person it is a sign of respect. These same rules apply to children when they call the young adults except the kids will call them by "Tai Tai" (aunt), and "Shu Shu" (uncle). Commonly, the kids will call their mom's and dad's friends with these words. Rarely, children will call adults by first name.

Take myself for example; I proudly said that I live at home with my mom and dad. As the oldest child, I cannot move out and leave my family or send my parents to the nursing home when they get older. This act would consider as the act of betrayal to your family. In Chinese or Asian term, you owed everything to your family and everything you have is resulted from them. Once you have become an adult, you cannot turn away and leave your family.

Well there is another reason; it is simply that I have no money to move out... yet. But that is another story (hehe).

Look, there is something on your head...

Well, the answer is that the Chinese people believe that the head is an altar to respect your parents and ancestors, and only they are allow to touching it. Let looks at an example, shall we? If you ever watch a Chinese movie; see the act of a person crawling under or between another person's legs. Well, that is the ultimate disgrace in Chinese culture. This gesture means that not only you disgrace yourself but you have disgrace your family and ancestor as well.

I had talked briefly about this in the article of body language. But now, you know why not to touch a Chinese person's head. So, it is best to keep your hands to yourself on this one.

Today in China, people try to take care of the elder members in the family, but gradually are unable to do so. Ever since the "One Child Policy" has passed, the younger people are unable to take care of their family and work at the same time.

There is a story in China. There is this woman that once she has a job, she then immediately fills out an application for a nursing home. Many people disagree of what she has done. But she replies "My mother is old, and I'm the only child. If I'm going to work, then who will look after my mother?" Sadly, this circumstance is the main cause of change in the Chinese tradition.

Elderly people in workplace...

That is for the family side, but what about for outside organization, respecting elders are also very important as well. Junior members in an organization will not make a decision without the consent of the senior member.

As result, sometimes when working with the Chinese people will take more time, and might seems the person you work with is indecisive. What this mean is you should not expect to only talk to the junior member in China and get results. Let put it in this way, the phase "May I speak with your manager?" has a whole lot more meaning.

You should take this theory and apply it in practically term as well. If you arrive to a meeting or banquet, you should always remember to greet the member that has the most seniority in that occasion first. By failing to do so could lead to a disaster. During the banquet, commonly the senior member will get serve first, so you should politely wait until your turn.

Also, during the meeting, you should not interrupt the senior member's speech no matter how long or how boring it is. The bad news is once you have interrupted the speech; you may as well pack up and go home. The good news is I just save a bunch of money by switching to Geico. (Very corny? Yes. Does it put a smile on your face? Well, I try.)

A side note, the Chinese people do not like a person take about himself, or bragging in another word. The Chinese people will like to acknowledge what you have done by themselves, rather then what you said you have done and accomplished. This especially hold true when talking to those with seniority. During your speech in front of them, you should avoid using "I have done this for you..." or "Because of what I did, we able to..." is a "NO, NO."

I know that this is very different in the West since when you work in an American company, sometimes you have to sell or market yourself. However, while you are in China you should keep it to the minimum.

When traveling in China, if you are little bit old, Chinese people will offer you some help during your trip. The people might be so sincere to the point you think that you are handicap. Do not be offended because helping elders in China is out of respect and not out of pity. If you happen to receive some chivalries, relax, sit back, and enjoy being a king for a couple of minutes.

On the other hand, if you are a young adult then always remember chivalry for age before gender at any occasions. Meaning you should take care the elderly first, then the lady second.

Thank you for joining me today. Hope you have a wonderful holiday, and back to work. From where I am and wherever you are, "Gong Xi Fa Cai" and good night everybody.

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