How to Saving Face During Conversation in India

Dishonor in India

In my culture (Vietnam), there is a proverb, "Since, a word does not cost a penny; always try to pick the nice ones to said." After studying India culture, I even thought this proverb may come from India and not Vietnam. In India, you can cause somebody or yourself to lose face (dishonor) by just a couple of words. In this article, I will try to cover all India conversation customs so you can avoid as much misunderstanding as you can. Some of these customs are very common sense, but I thought it is worth to mention. So, please bear with me.

This article is not very long, but I would suggest have a cup of coffee or tea right next to you (hehe).

Let's get started...

Before going into the customs, I would like to side track just a little bit. As I mention before, India culture surround in the family and community settings. The most important concept of that is people always preserve the harmony between people in the family or community. Meaning, if any action is considered disrupting that harmony, it will not be welcome in India culture.

With that being said, one rule I have learn in my past experience is never openly disagree with anybody. If you do, the people may see you as trying to break the harmony between one and another. Last time when I did it, the whole conversation goes silent from there.

Openly disagree is also as bad as criticizing somebody else, and especially if that is an elder. This is considering rude and disrespectful. If you cannot agree with anything a person said, just remember "Silent is Gold."

Giving negative feedback or comment, asking a person to prove his/her point, and correcting others; all can also be consider a "No No." I know that all these customs is common sense, but it is worth to mention. The reason is that if you accidentally do these actions, it may damage the relationship that you try so hard to build.

How to protect yourself?

So far I only show how not to offend other, but not yet show you how to protect your own face (honor). These rules are for both business and normal day setting. Well, for started never admit to a mistake. Once, you have admitted to a mistake, you have lowered your status down in front of others, which is very much opposite from the West. In American, when you go to work, your my boss often tell you to admit your mistake so you can learn for it. In short, never do it while working with Indian.

Next point I would like to mentions is while working you should not frequently ask for help or more time on your work. This will show that you are incapable to complete the job. Be careful. Another customs along with this one is never admit that you are falling behind or cannot make the deadline.

When people asking you a question that you should know the answer but unable to reply, or saying "I don"t know" is also the act of losing face. In short, you never give a negative answer about yourself or other.

What the H$#@ are you saying Dat?

By this time, you may say "Dat, if we avoid all these things that you have mention, why would we even do business or even have a conversation? Because, that is how we do business and without getting the answer for those question we will never get anything done."

I would reply that you are correct. One method, I found a lot of international businesses have mention to be the successful technique to use is instead on giving a direct message with words is that you should provide the message through hint, suggestion, or indirect message.

In the book of "Speaking of India" by Craig Storti, he has given a great example. Let's say that you are finding yourself behind on a project and want more time. Instead of saying you need more time, you can say "Wow, this project is bigger than I thought it would be" or "Our team have being working nonstop but still there a lot more angle we can explore."

Dropping hints is the key. By saying, "This project is bigger than expect" can translate to you need more time. Or, "Working nonstop but still there is a lot things are undone" also another way to say you need more time.

A good reason for Indian to talk this way is because their purpose of having a conversation is not to exchange information but reserve each other harmony. Another way to say is that India people will tell you what you want hear and not the reality (Craig Storti, 2007). Knowing this will help you and other's honor while talking. When you are talking to Indian native, please, listen carefully and read between the lines. I know this is easy to say than done.

Thank you for joining me today, and I really appreciate for your time. I feel that I have not succesfully covered everything on this matter. If you have any suggestion, please don't hesitate to to let me know. Thank you in advance. From where I am and wherever you are, have a great night and good luck everybody.

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