Saving Face in India

Dishonor in India

In my culture (Vietnam), there is a proverb, "Since a word does not cost a penny, always try to pick the nice ones to say." After studying Indian culture, I thought this proverb may come from Indian and not Vietnam. In India, you can cause somebody or yourself to lose face (dishonor) by just a couple of words. In this article, I will try to cover all Indian conversational customs so you can avoid misunderstanding as much as you can. Some of these customs are very common sense, but I think they are worth mentioning. So, please bear with me.

This article is not very long, but I would suggest you have a cup of coffee or tea right next to you (hehe).

Let's get started...

Before going into the customs, I would like to side track just a little bit. As I mentioned before, Indian culture is based in the family and community settings. The most important concept of that is people always preserve the harmony between people in the family or community. Meaning if any action is considered disruptive to that harmony, it will not be welcome in Indian culture.

With that being said, one rule I have learned in my past experience is never openly disagree with anybody. If you do, the people may see you as trying to break the harmony between one another. Last time I did it that, the whole conversation halted.

Open disagreement is as bad as criticizing somebody else, and especially if that is an elder. This is considered rude and disrespectful. If you cannot agree with anything a person says, just remember "Silent is Golden."

Giving negative feedback or comments, asking a person to prove his/her point, and correcting others - all of these can also be considered a "No No." I know that all this advice is common sense, but it is worthwhile mentioning it. The reason is that if you accidentally do these actions, it may damage a relationship that you have tried so hard to build.

How to protect yourself?

So far I have only discussed how not to offend others, but have not yet shown you how to protect your own face (honor). These rules are for both business and normal day-to-day settings. Well, for starters never admit to a mistake. Once, you have admitted to a mistake, you have lowered your status in the eyes of others, which is very much opposite from the West. In America, when you go to work, your boss may often tell you to admit your mistakes so you can learn from them. However, never do this while working with Indian.

The next point I would like to mention is while working you should not ask for help frequently or request more time for your work. This will show that you are incapable of completing the job. Be careful. Another custom along with this one is never admit that you are falling behind or cannot make the deadline.

When people ask you a question that you should know the answer to but are unable to reply, saying "I don't know" is also an act of losing face. In short, you should never give a negative answer about yourself or others.

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