Vietnamese Wedding - The Engagement

Should I stay or should I go?

So the actual day has arrived and you no longer can back out. You probably are thinking, "What? I can't back out? Yes, I can because it's not the actual wedding." Let's back track for a second. One of the reasons why in some regions the engagement is important is because it's to make sure no party will cancel the wedding once the couple is engaged. This applies more to the old days when marriages were arranged and one side would fear the other would back out.

By making everything really big and extravagant for the engagement ceremony it makes it difficult for either family to back out because if they do, the whole family will lose face. The family's reputation will be damaged not to mention the honor of keeping one's word is gone, and then no one will trust you or your family. The consequences are deadly but it is to prevent runaways before the actual wedding. Julia Roberts (Runaway Bride) will not do very good in our country (hehe).

On the engagement day, the fiancé's family will come to the fiancée's house with the prepared gifts. During the gift ceremony, all the guys on the fiancé's family will line up with a tray of gifts while on the fiancée's side the girls will also form a line to receive the gifts. Once the exchange has taken place, everyone goes inside the house.

Next, the fiancé's representative will ask for the fiancée's hand in marriage on behalf of family. Then, the fiancée's representative will accept the offer and now the couple will pray in front of the ancestors' altar for approval and blessing.

After all this is done, the rings are exchanged and the couple is officially engaged. At this time, the fiancé's family representative will introduce the members on his side by their role, and likewise on the fiancée's. This moment is when speeches about the couple will be exchanged by the representatives and family members when it is their turn to be introduce. Sometimes the speeches can be a blessing of happiness and congratulations or welcoming to the family since from this point on, the fiancé and fiancée can call their in-laws mom, dad, sister, brother, etc.

Before the ceremony ends, the fiancée's side has to return a portion of the gifts that the fiancé will bring back to his family. The gift ceremony will be the same at the beginning. Two lines of guy and girls line up, but this time the girls will hand back the trays and gifts.

You may ask why we have this tradition. I would say we just follow blindly (hehe). Because this tradition has passed down from generation to generation and we just follow what the ancestors have taught.

When the ceremony is officially over then the actual party can start. Well, not until after everyone has gotten their picture taken with the happy couple. Then, the fiancée's family can start to unwrap the gifts and hand out food.

If you are getting engaged or thinking about it, I would like to be the first one to congratulate you. If you have any other questions, you can contact me here. From where I am and wherever you are, best wishes from Culture-4-travel.com. Good night.

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